someone threw a dead crab at me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
