Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
