Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
