from now on my penis is your penis
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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