If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
