don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
