You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
