You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
