I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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