what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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