I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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