Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
