I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
