I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
