I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
