Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
