If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
