The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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