I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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