I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
