I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think my moral compass just broke
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