Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
