I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
