Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
