we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
