the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
