My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
