would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
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