how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
NoShamevember. You game?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
