last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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