So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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