i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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