I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize