Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
