The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
