I can feel you judging me through the phone.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
