Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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