im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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