If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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