Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
