I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
