for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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