just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
try to milk me bitch
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