I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
So many bounce houses so little time
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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