dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im holly from the hills drunk
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize