I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
