Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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