He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
