Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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