I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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