It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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