just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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