I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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