FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
