70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
