i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Randomize
