how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
