Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
