what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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