Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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