Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
