i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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