Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
