I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
