Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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